Your most consequential decisions...
... are not what you think they are.
I came across this note today and stopped dead in my tracks. “YES! This is exactly what I’m trying to say with Miriam’s Wisdom!” Your most consequential decisions are the small ones you make every single day. You may not even realize that they are decisions in the moment. They’re just you being you. The thing is, who you are is in fact the most important decision in your entire life, and you make it again in your responses to everything around you.
At my children’s elementary school, their big project in fifth grade was to write an autobiography. As I thought about this assignment—especially when a child got stuck and didn’t know what to say next—I realized that while the big momentous moments stand out in our lives, the real story of who we are is told in the everyday. How Dad tucks you in at night. What it feels like to have Grandpa run to the door to greet you with a hug. The summer Mom took you to the library every week and brought you back home with a big stack of books. When I related this to them, my kids thought about it and took the advice. It was lovely to see them capture some of those deeper parts of who they are, and both children got amazing reviews from their teachers.
Our leadership is no different. Yes, the decision of whether to agree to an acquisition of your startup company is consequential. Equally consequential is your determination that you’ll greet and welcome each new employee by name when they first sign into the company chat system. Your willingness to pause and really consider the ideas people bring, no matter how random or outlandish they may seem. Your vision of an organization where everyone feels like they belong, disabled or not, queer or not, neurotypical or not, brown or black or white, and the ways you show this every day.
When I wrote about Essential qualities of an amazing leader, I included this in my working definition:
A leader is one who thinks, plans, and acts to bring their vision to life.
All three verbs are necessary. Before anything else, an effective leader thinks about what is coming at them and how they will respond to it. An instinctual (“knee-jerk”) reaction rarely demonstrates our best qualities; it’s a reaction rather than a response, and it often comes from a place of fear or frustration or even tiredness. When something unexpected happens, effective leaders pause to consider their response. Sometimes the pause is only as long as it takes to say, “That’s a really great question” while you put your thoughts in order. Sometimes it’s longer. Either way, it’s crucial to think before we act.
So here’s the Big Consequential Decision I encourage you to make: How shall I respond today?
All the various elements at Miriam’s Wisdom are designed to cultivate within ourselves a deep understanding of who we are. It’s why I began with beliefs and values, and why I refer back to them often. It’s why I publish a monthly calendar of ideas for showing kindness: to nourish our lives, nurturing within us a default response of kindness, empathy, and thoughtfulness. It’s why I talk about developing an inner capacity, not for anything specific, but an inner space where we can hold ideas for consideration. More than anything else, this shapes your leadership so that you can bring the best you.
You already have an amazing leader within yourself. When you nurture this amazing person, you’re able to flourish and thrive, without burning out or losing your soul.