Giving transformative feedback: D = Direct
a series of articles on giving helpful feedback that's SMART
Giving feedback can be difficult, especially when it’s a critique. Many leaders struggle with this. In fact, an article by Excel Communications quotes Harvard Business Review articles that say 44% of managers find giving feedback difficult or stressful, and 21% of managers completely avoid giving feedback to their employees. There are many excellent frameworks to guide leaders in giving feedback, and I feel audacious adding one more to the mix. However, I believe that a leader who is truly dedicated to nurturing the growth and development of their people is one who views giving critiques not as a chore but an investment. A leader who focuses on what happens after the feedback rather than getting tied up in the stress of giving it will be noticed as a standout.
In this article, I continue in a series introducing the SMARTED framework for giving feedback, based on the SMART goals we all know (and love?). Giving the feedback is important, but more important is what happens afterward. The best feedback meetings enable you to collaborate to develop a goal and a roadmap for growth. I’m starting at the end to introduce my additions to SMART for giving feedback. In this expanded framework, E = Empathetic and D = Direct. I’ll talk about direct communication, give an example of feedback that damaged an employee because it failed to be direct, discuss strategies for being direct in your feedback, and wrap up with an audio guided meditation. Let’s get started!
At its best, a critique is a new goal that a manager or supervisor sets with their employee, a collaborative goal with real objectives that show what success looks like. They’re looking for changes, and they’re looking for measurable improvements in the employee’s work. In short, they’re looking for SMART.
I added D for Direct to this feedback model, remembering an unfortunate feedback situation from many years ago. I worked part-time at a business along with a dear friend and transgender woman who struggles with hair care. One day, the manager stopped me in the hall and said “I need you to talk to her about her hair. None of us will be happy if I have that conversation with her.” He walked on while I stood there, mouth agape, not quite believing he had said this to me. He wanted me to do his job for him, to intervene in the relationship between him and his employee. This was bad. At the time, I didn’t know what to do. I could pretend it hadn’t happened. I could pass along the feedback without telling the story of how it happened. I could tell her the story about how the manager gave me the indirect feedback. My friend caught up with me shortly afterward, before I’d figured out what I wanted to do. She knew instantly that I was upset. “Come on,” she said. “Spill it.” So I ended up telling my friend the story of the encounter. Neither of us was happy after that. It wasn’t long before both my friend and I left the business.
In the SMARTED framework, D for Direct can be interpreted a couple of ways. One is as in this remembrance, where the leader had someone else give the feedback on his behalf. This can be appropriate in some (few) situations, such as where the human resources department takes the responsibility for handling the feedback meeting. But otherwise, don’t delegate this essential responsibility. Even if it’s really uncomfortable—and hygiene feedback is really uncomfortable to give and to receive—it is still your responsibility. When your employees (or students or children or volunteers) are successful, you’re successful, so it’s best to take a deep breath, be the adult, and give the feedback.
The other interpretation of D for Direct is different. Rather than speaking to the person directly (without anyone intervening), this is using direct speech to give feedback. For example, do you ramble and babble when you feel nervous? Many of us do; we feel like every silence must be filled with words, moreover, that we’re responsible for filling them. But this is counterproductive when giving feedback. A rambling, roundabout speech is likely to be confusing. Chris MacLeod, MSW, provides excellent advice for anyone who rambles when they feel nervous, and I encourage you to skim through the list to find techniques that might work for you.
Perhaps the most important aspect of Directness is to prepare for a feedback meeting. (The final article in this series will include a helpful workbook you can use to prepare for giving feedback.) When you make your feedback crisp, clear, and concrete, it is easier to deliver it directly. Spend some time with your thoughts. Write them down. Practice speaking them out loud. Refine the language so that it’s as simple and direct as possible. If you have a trusted friend—or even your own boss—practice with them and ask for a critique.
To quote Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, communication is measured at the listener’s ear, not at the speaker’s mouth. That means that if someone doesn’t understand something, if they take it the wrong way, it’s likely because you haven’t communicated it effectively or with the requisite clarity.
(Winter Nie, 2025, IMD)
You can find a wealth of articles about direct communication online. Clarity is a recurring theme, as is using few words to give your message. Writing it down (and revising!) is a common recommendation, and rehearsing your delivery is another. As in Kim Scott’s quote above, keep in mind that your idea of clarity may not align with the understanding of others, and listen carefully to the feedback of your friend, colleague, or manager when you do practice runs with them.
If you are anxious or nervous before you give feedback, then I encourage you to block off your calendar for 15 minutes before the session. Use this time to settle into your thoughts and place yourself into a receptive frame of mind. Mindfulness practices are helpful for reducing stress and enabling you to respond to surprises or challenges with grace rather than reacting to them with frustration. Do some breathing exercises. Ground yourself in your body. Spend a little time sitting with what you hope to accomplish, visualizing and imagining what the best outcome looks like. Plan to pause before responding to your feedback recipient. In addition to “That’s a good question,” the simple syllables “Oh” and “Ah” are helpful friends for this. And use the restroom. You don’t need to feel uncomfortable during the meeting because you didn’t take a bio-break, so make it part of your preparation routine.
Inner Tools: Your Inner Capacity
One of the most important inner tools for an inspiring, effective, wise leader is an inner capacity, an inner space whose purpose is to allow you to spend time with ideas that may seem to conflict or that you struggle with. It gives you the ability to take in emotional reactions from others—or even from yourself—and respond thoughtfully and empathetically rather than giving a knee-jerk reaction. Cultivating this space is a powerful inner tool that can transform your leadership, instilling peace and calm in stressful situations, and equipping you for thoughtful and wise decision-making.
Today, the inner tool I have for you is a guided meditation. It’s about 8 minutes long and is designed to guide you through creating your inner space, imagining and visualizing it, and making it a part of you.
Wrap up
In this article, I explored the D = Direct component of the SMARTED framework for giving effective feedback, discussing the importance of giving feedback directly to the right person and using direct communication to do so. I emphasized the importance of preparing for giving feedback and the value of rehearsing it with others. And I presented the inner tool “Your Inner Capacity” as a guided meditation, which you can return to and listen to at any time. I invite you to leave a comment (or direct-message me) with your thoughts after completing the meditation. Should I record more of these?
Over the next few weeks, we’ll focus on each element of SMARTED individually, examining the tools and techniques you already have for giving effective critiques that don’t smart. The next article will focus on E = Empathetic. Keep in mind that the goal for a Miriam’s Wisdom leader is fostering improvement and transformation in your organization, while maintaining trust, support, and psychological safety. In helping your people develop and grow, your leadership will deepen and grow as well.
Related articles
Additional Resources
6 Reasons Managers Avoid Giving Feedback And How to Overcome Them. Excel Communications.
Breaking the Feedback Barrier: Help New Managers Drive Performance. James Glover. eLearning Industry. 2025.
How to give feedback: Your six-part checklist. Winter Nie. IMD. 2025.
Mindfulness Practices for Busy People That Work. Altruva Wellness.
Talking Too Much And Too Quickly When You’re Nervous. Chris MacLeod, MSW. Succeed Socially.