cultivating space

a reflection

A major theme for me in recent months and weeks has been the idea of space, capacity, spaciousness. I encountered the idea in newsletters from Stephanie Ockerman of Agile Socks, and then more deeply in a “Creative vs. Reactive Leadership” training that she gave in partnership with Coach Isabel Labbé.

The idea is to create and nurture inner space, to make room to hold multiple ideas, perspectives, and contrasts. By developing this inner spaciousness, we are able to respond to the events life throws at us with flexibility, creativity, collaboration, and resilience.

Bastei Bridge Rock Formation, by Julius Silver

In an article on My Jewish Learning, Alice Frank writes about yoga as a practice for embodying one’s spirituality:

The Hasidic master Nachman of Breslov taught, “Life is a very narrow bridge, and the most important thing is to not be afraid.” This sounds like a great idea, but when you’re on a narrow bridge (or on one foot), fear arises. It’s natural to resist, especially if we’re told not to be afraid. But Nachman tells us that we need not be afraid of fear.

This resonates with the idea of creating space within. We must find a space in which we can cross the narrow bridge and also feel safe and confident and free from fear. When we can make this inner space, then we have the capacity to walk across the narrow bridge.

It is no accident that “space” is a physical thing, even if it is mostly empty. Cultivating inner space increases our ability to feel our feelings in our bodies, which is important for our health and our maturity, as well as for fostering leadership and collaboration. Consider the narrow bridge. On its own, a bridge is a small thing. It could be a line painted on the floor or a balance beam in a gymnastics class. What makes a bridge important is the vast space that it crosses, the shores that it connects. A bridge is significant if it stretches across a body of water or connects the sides of a gorge. The gorge, the body of water, the shores: these are the space that we create and nurture within ourselves.

Weeping Willow Evening Atmosphere by Gamagapix

Frank continues by describing a yoga pose:

The embodiment of this teaching in tree pose is a softening, an allowing to be as you are, noticing the fear and tension (or sadness, anger, joy, disappointment) instead of resisting it. Fear makes us rigid and more likely to fall — and if we do fall, more likely to experience pain. But if we allow ourselves to soften and, like the tree, sway in the wind, our stance becomes stronger.

In the leadership workshop, we talked about pausing to notice where we are, how we are, as we are. What do I feel? hear? see? What is happening around me? within me? And, as Frank says, we observe this and simply allow ourselves to be as we are. When we develop our inner spaciousness, we increase our ability to simply be with ourselves, as we are, accepting all of ourselves. It is a softening, as she says, and it enables us to understand that we can be afraid and still be okay; we can be upset or frustrated or angry, and still be okay; we can create the space in which we are okay.

I struggle with fully accepting myself. When Ockerman and Labbé asked “Are you willing to fully accept yourself?” I knew that the answer they wanted to hear was ‘Yes!” However, the true answer I had to give was “No, not yet.” Their challenge to me was this: Is there a space where it is safe to be yourself?

So I am cultivating this space, and I am finding myself more safe within it. I can see the scary narrow bridge from this space, and I can see my fear and feel my fear, and I can also feel safe. As this inner space grows and develops, I feel the safety physically in my body. I can stand straighter and observe my surroundings. I can be soft and sway like the willow tree when the wind blows, but even when the wind blows, it does not carry me off of the narrow bridge.

Now I invite you into the space where it is safe to be yourself. I invite you to envision it as if it existed in three dimensions, to place yourself within this space. I encourage you to invite all the parts of yourself into the space, because it is the space that is safe for every part of you… even the ones you might not really like. Maybe you can sit in this space for a minute or two. Maybe you can hold it within you for much longer. I invite you to visit it often, perhaps starting with a pause to notice where you are, how you are, as you are. Observe what is around you, and observe what is within you. I know you will make it safely across the narrow bridge, even if you have doubts and even if the winds blow, because you have nurtured this spaciousness within yourself.